A Spirulina Experience

On Halloween my overly kind little sister bought me an expensive bottle of spirulina powder. As far as tricks and treats go, spirulina is not a treat. Not even close. But I asked for it, so I guess no one was tricking me but myself. As I mentioned in my smoothie post, I first heard about spirulina in an article from Men's Fitness. In addition to being a good source of protein, B vitamins and iron, WebMD says the algae is used to treat... well, just about everything.

Yeah. You read that right. Algae. Most sane people don't ingest algae unless they're drowning in a lake.

"If only Hamlet would take me to Whole Foods."

A few minutes of online research made one thing very clear: this stuff tastes horrible. Like, gagging, haunts your nightmares, the-taste-that-leaves-a-memory-you-can't-forget-no-matter-how-hard-you-try horrible. Naturally, it must be the healthiest thing on the planet. Spirulina (which spell check wants to change to spiritual) is organic!

As soon as we got home, I excitedly ripped open the bottle of magic powder. It smelled like... nothing I can politely describe. The closest I can get is like an old fish tank that never housed any fish. Looking inside was useless. All I saw was darkness, as if light itself were too afraid to penetrate the bottle's unholy interior.

The bottle sat untouched for several days. "When are you going to try it?" Tana asked.

"What if it makes me horribly ill and I can't go to work?" I said. "I'll wait until the day of that family gathering, just to be safe."

Finally I worked up the courage to put a teaspoon in my super smoothie. And while the color changed dramatically, the taste was almost imperceptible. So the next time I put in two teaspoons, which was still less than the tablespoon serving. The taste came through a little more, but it wasn't horrible, covered up as it was with cinnamon, berries, bananas and protein powder.

But some people just add water. I knew that if I was going to get the full spirulina experience, I'd have to drink it straight up. Even though I haven't mentioned it yet, I drink some truly horrifying concoctions in the name of healthy living. But spirulina scares me. What if I turned into Swamp Thing?

Ophelia after too much spirulina

This morning I finally told myself, "You've got to drink it, by blog!" So just for you, dear reader (seriously, is anyone else out there besides that one guy in Boston?), I mixed a half teaspoon of spirulina powder in four onces of water. By now, I know what it tastes like. But I wasn't ready for the full force of the super-food. It was, in a word, disgusting.

Though it was a struggle, I drank the whole thing without gagging. The flavor wasn't as strong as I'd anticipated, but the clumps of powder (almost typed "clumps of power") that didn't mix in really grossed me out, I don't know why. I had the foresight to prepare a cup of strong, dark roast coffee beforehand, and it still took the entire cup to wash the taste off my teeth. An hour later, I was still burping it back up.

But obviously, I'm healthier than anyone. And that's what really matters. As long as I don't turn into Swamp Thing.

If you're feeling really brave, you can buy a lifetime supply here and help support my writing!